The Haunted Boat

Submitted by Lisa H.

This all started at a media launch party held on a San Francisco pier. After a free beer or three or four, we saw some people from the party getting on a boat parked nearby. Being drunk, naturally, getting on this boat we knew nothing about seemed like a great idea. A group of us from the party ignored the quiet alarm (or doorbell?) that sounded when we walked on and ran around marveling at how much it was like "Life Aquatic" and admiring the large wooden helm.

We ran into a guy who said, "Hey, dudes, I live here! Come party with me." He showed us a room that had been used for a Halloween party the night before. It was full of mannequin parts covered in red paint, meant to look like a dismembered Kiss-like clown. In the glaring lights, it just looked fake and weird. Then our host took us to the engine room, room with the helm (again), and the living room deck filled with '70s couches and containing a full wine rack, which was like something out of "Pirate Radio."

Earlier, when we were too drunk to comprehend it, we saw a handful of people climb up to the crow's nest. "Hey, look, some people went up there, whoa!" And "Hey, they're still up there!" But as we sobered up, to three of us at least, it started to seem like a good idea.

The only way up to the crow's nest, about two or three stories above the third-floor, was a narrow ladder. In the middle of this narrow ladder, a taut rope connected to some other ship part was attached. Half way up, there's another pole running through the middle. Then, the crow's nest has no entrance or door — you just have to climb over the rail. We could see the ballpark even better, all the buildings downtown, and the Navy aircraft carrier holding the Blue Angels.

Then we had to figure out how to get down. My friend put on his Dad hat and told me we would be just fine, getting down is easy. Once we were safe on the deck, we had a big hug of post-panic relief. "Oh my God! We made it! That was CRAZY!" Please, no one else try anything like that.

Venn Diagram

A friend of mine. He likes to play with gadgets included in kids magazines.

Anonymous #5

Profile Picture

Submitted by Curt W.

This is the best picture that I have of me, and has been my profile picture on Facebook for the last two years. I would like if you would give me a free new portrait to put as my profile picture. Thanks.

Guest art by the wonderful Rowan S.

Possible Bowie Reference

Submitted by Lizzie A.

This is a picture of my high school boyfriend and me, back in 2000 when we were weirdly elected to the Homecoming Court. We lost. Our skit about salmon spawning (you know, homecoming) was a little too abstract for the pep rally audience. And then we decided to dress like cats for the dance. As you can imagine, we were very very popular.

Guest portrait by John M.

Rainbow Crutch

Submitted by Maggi Q.

Despite rainbows being a staple of most Sarah's drawings, she had an unusually difficult time with this one. Rj took over and had this to say: "The girl in the middle is using the two others as crutches because her leg is broken."

Perfection.

Happy Anniversary

Submitted by Melissa S.

This is an almost two year old picture of me and my fiance, Kai, around the time when we started dating. I have the glasses, she has the hawk. I love embarrassing her as much as she loves doing it to me. She likes anime, fantasy novels, and writing erotic fanfic. I like juggling, climbing trees, and rollercoasters.

**This portrait was done by the mysteriously scandalous duo LOKI who have this to say for themselves:  A branch of the Consum-nation, Loki is a modern day junta seeking social avenues to express it's collective vision...and then do it in the butt.

Classy Millinery

Submitted by Patrick T.

Dear free crappy portraits--

The only thing your drawings need more of is classy millinery. Here, let us help you out with that.

xoxo

Patrick

Matryoshka!

Submitted by Danielle W.