A good ol' tummy rub

Submitted by Kristina K.

We're Kristina and Christopher. Married in 2 feet of snow in January 2010. Why we chose January, I'll never know. Two children.. boxers. Twizzler and Goober. We're all huge Notre Dame fans if you couldn't tell by our get-up. Christopher loves football, baseball and hockey. Notre Dame. Tennessee Titans. Washington Nationals and Washington Capitals. He's sorta a sports geek- as in his brain is filled with more sports knowledge than any knowledge that would lead to any real-world success. Oh, and he likes a good beer every now and then. Kristina... kinda a nerd.. kinda a wine-o. She's a photographer, loves the Pittsburgh Steelers, is a bit high maintenance (okay, really high maintenance) and never leaves home without her iPad. She loves sushi and seafood and hates cheese and doesn't eat red meat. Christopher loves cheese and red meat and of course hates anything that comes from the ocean. You can say it's hard to cook around our house. Twizzler and Goober.. well they love giving kisses, playing football in the backyard and eating off our plates, but nothing beats a good ol' tummy rub.

Me and Mary

Submitted by Christie C.

I would love a free crappy portrait of me and my cat Mary.
Some things about me: I love cats, especially my own, although she was having a bad day when this photo was taken. I also like bows and polka dots, vintage dresses and spending all my money in thrift stores.

Things that are Awesome

Submitted by Hope R.

This is the best portrait ever done of me and my fiancé, so I thought that it would be appropriate if it became the crappiest portrait of the two of us. We're getting married this fall, although we're already living in sin. The pressure to sound inspired and witty has left me feeling rather dull and boring. So, here's a list of things that are awesome:

- race car beds
- dinosaurs
- pirate ninjas, but not ninja pirates.

Banana Slugs

Submitted by Amanda L.

This is a picture of my dog, Abner, and I, in a tiny historical post office in Washington. He is an awesome little guy, whom I got through a pit-bull rescue, in Illinois. On this trip my husband and I drove from our new home in Oregon up to Mt. Rainier in WA. My other dog, May came with too, but she was probably too busy eating grass or banana slugs to pose for the picture. On this trip, we stopped numerous road side garage sales, hiked, stayed in a A-frame cabin, (which was awesome), and then went to Pike's Market in Seattle. No, I did not see the "fish guys". I hate the "fish guys"! I did eat honey lavender ice cream however, and it was marvelous. My husband and I are childless by choice, but we take our dogs with us where ever we go, yes we are those people. I hope to have my own rare variety apple orchard, with a couple tiny, pygmy Nigerian goats, (for tiny cheeses), and as many rescue dogs as I can muster.

A Precious Moment

Submitted by Evelina M. and she has a blog

This is a precious moment, really. My friend and I were celebrating the summer of 2009 by blowing bubbles out of soap water in my front yard. We were also drawing unicorns in sidewalk chalk all over the place like we were a couple of five-year-olds, but really, we were much older. Then I got soap water in my mouth, and contorted my face into something unsavory but inimitable.

Family Portrait

Submitted by Lauren O.

This is my family: Dennis, Annette, Lauren (me!) and Brodie. We haven't had a proper portrait-style family photo since 1993. I would love to give my parents a nice free crappy portrait for their anniversary this month. Preferably with our two Siamese cats in it.

Lauren has a great blog so check it out!

Portrait by guest artist Sophie A.

Classy Millinery

Submitted by Patrick T.

Dear free crappy portraits--

The only thing your drawings need more of is classy millinery. Here, let us help you out with that.

xoxo

Patrick

before and after

Submitted by Danielle F.

Alyssa issued the following artist's statement:

"Don't you hate it when you're trying to get pretty for your headshot and multicolored gremlins chop off your limbs?"